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IMPACT OF PORNOGRAPHY USE
The discovery or disclosure of pornography use IS especially devastating to the marital bond. In most cases, an intense range of emotions ensues, with the overarching sentiments being shock, betrayal, anger, and disgust. From a professional and personal point of view, I balk at the suggestion that pornography is harmless or that it can”spice up” marital intimacy. What proponents of pornography do not realize is that the “spice” is often the heartache variety or misery brand, and that the adulterous nature of this secretive and addictive habit can lead to dissolved relationships, lost jobs, crippling debts, depression, or drastic changes in social, spiritual, academic, or professional standing.
IMPACT ON TRUST AND FIDELITY
When pornography is introduced into a marital relationship, trust and fidelity are impacted deeply. When we consider that Jennifer Schneider’s (2000) research found that women consider online sexual activity to be just as much adultery or cheating as live affairs, we gain insight into why trust and fidelity are affected so deeply.
The repair-or better yet transformation-of the relationship, requires both individuals to address the issue of rebuilding trust so they can rededicate themselves to the marriage, while “divorcing” the unhealthy patterns that opened space for this problem to take root. Thinking in terms of divorcing patterns rather than people can provide a useful mindset for a couple faced with this kind of marital crisis. I acknowledge that for many people, especially those who are married to someone who is refusing to change or to get help, a divorce in the traditional sense of the word may be the best choice. Because each person’s capacities and resources differ, none of us is capable of judging how long someone can or should endure this kind of triaL Regardless of how people choose to cope, they need our support and fellowship.
